Looking Forward: Days 24 to 30

When I started this challenge, I had already decided how I would write the last post for it. It went something like this:

This challenge helped me to find the good in every day and to remember that even the hardest days have something to look forward to...

Yesterday, as I was washing the dishes, I was contemplating this post, thinking about how I would compose it, thinking about all the things I'd learned... that it really does help to think positively, that it's good practice to anticipate the joy in each day, that days that were formally wasted by worrying were suddenly turned into restful, peaceful, thoughtful days when I forced myself to look forward to something good, no matter how small...

But, suddenly, a thought occurred to me that made me stand still with my hands in the dishwater:  There's a little bit of that good stuff not just in every day, but in every person. Somehow, this challenge didn't just make me realize that I didn't have to assign judgement to each day, but that I also didn't have to assign judgement to each person I meet. I thought of my favourite people... great friends with wonderful souls... and realized that there's a little bit of that in everyone. I just have to direct the energy I used to look for the positive parts of each day toward looking for the positive parts in each person I meet.

That's hard for me. There are people out there that are certainly NOT my favourite people... people that have shown me really ugly sides to their personalities. When I see that, it's like someone has thrown acid in my direction: I flinch, and I never go back to them.

But maybe it's time to change that.

Anyway, this was a really, really good thing to try, and I feel so much better for doing it. I think I might have actually rewired my brain to do it regularly. I'm quite happy about that.

Onward. Upward. Forward.

Looking Forward: Days 16 to 23

Another week of highs and lows... as is the case for everyone, I guess. When I think back on the week, I'm most proud of last Friday, where I had the chance to help with a workshop that I really wanted to help develop. The day before, I was nervous. What if I'd wasted everyone's time by pushing to create something unnecessary? What if the participants didn't enjoy it? Why did I think this was a good idea in the first place?

When I forced myself out of that train of thought and focused on looking forward to the opportunity to share my skills and passions, then it all felt right. And it all went right. And I'm very happy that it worked out.

On the other hand, after my previous challenge, I had set myself a goal weight. It's a weight at which I was pretty sure my doctor would be able to get off my back about being heavy, and at which I could be sure that my blood pressure would be at a good level. Well, at least I could factor out the weight issue from my blood pressure, anyway. I was looking forward to getting to that goal, but now it just seems miles and miles and years and years away. And I'm tired. And I'm frustrated. And I'm tired. Perhaps looking forward to such big goals is not a good thing. Perhaps I should distract myself with smaller goals. Perhaps the goal is what all the skinny people say it should be:  that I should look forward to feeling better and looking better.

But the numbers are powerful. I look forward to a day when they don't have power over me anymore. It seems like a very, very long journey right now.

Looking Forward: Days 11 to 15

It's been a busy few days, which is unusual for me, because I prefer my days to be quiet and chill. The arrival of some new people at work usually means lots of fun events to get to know them. And the arrival of the warm, sunny spring days means that there are plenty of activities to keep me busy.

One thing that I've learned over the past few days is that looking forward to something is not the same as expecting that something you attended last year is going to be just the same the following year. Doing that is setting yourself up for big disappointment. It's much better to be open to the day than to expect that they day will bring you exactly what you want.

Yesterday, I volunteered at a big local event, and I had had such a great time the previous year that I'd built up some pretty big expectations for this year. It was a great time, but the first hour or so for me was a little tense: I was working with some new people and had a few situations that threw me for a loop. I almost resigned myself to the idea that I was not going to have a good time. But after I let go of all the unrealistic expectations and just allowed myself to have fun, it ended up being just as an amazing day as it was last year. Not the same... just different.

I think that I'm going to try to look forward to general happy things, rather than specifics. You never know what's going to be around the corner, but if your attitude is in the right place, what's around the corner is bound to be a good time!

Looking Forward: Days 7 to 10

I've had a few up and down days during this challenge:

On Saturday evening, I did some work with young children and their families. I looked forward to having fun with them all, and I did.

On Sunday, I looked forward to getting together with friends and workmates to work on a community painting project, and even though I was tired, I was amazed by how much we got done and by how much fun I had.

Monday was hard. It's always so hard to find something to look forward to on Monday, and I didn't even really try. I had a rough afternoon, and then after work, I decided to pick myself up and look forward to my Zumba class, even though all I really wanted to do was bury myself in my bedsheets until the next morning.

That totally did the trick. I had a great time. I didn't think I could laugh like that while exercising.

Today, I'm looking forward to a nice walk with my dog and a relaxing bath before bed. That's all I want right about now, and I'm so glad I can have it.

So, this whole looking forward thing is making a difference so far, even when I don't think about it at the beginning of the day. It's a real change in my brain, but it's real work as well. Maybe by Day 30, it will be second nature!

Looking Forward: Day 6

Today, I was looking forward to teaching a class of high school students in an early morning session. It involved a bunch of my colleagues and I was to act as the facilitator for a careers discussion. It's a session that takes a lot of thought and preparation for me, and it usually fills me with a fair amount of dread... what if I screw up and embarrass myself in front of my workmates? What if I say something dumb? What if I got the times and dates wrong and I corralled all these people for nothing?

Instead of all that worry, I focused on what I enjoy most about what I do:  getting a chance to meet some new students, getting the chance to challenge them, to make them smile, and to make my workmates feel comfortable.

And you know what? It was an excellent time. Yessssss!

Looking Forward: Day 5

And today, I can't wait for:

- getting away during my lunch hour for a bit of quiet time.
- a hot shower after my Zumba class to relax before bed.

I guess I just like my quiet times...

Looking Forward: Day 4

Today, I'm looking forward to:

- an afternoon nap.
- another relaxing evening.

Not that exciting, but I'm looking forward to it, nonetheless!

Looking Forward: Day 3 - Foodie Day!

Today, I'm looking forward to:

- the panini I just made with smoked beef, goats cheese and romaine lettuce.
- dinner at the local Indian restaurant. Tandoori chicken, here I come!
- eating my dinner with zero guilt after a good exercise day today.

What are you looking forward to today?

Looking Forward: Day 2

Today, I'm looking forward to:

• fixing a problem that I suddenly figured out while lying in Savasanna pose during yoga last night. It's amazing how things suddenly make sense when you let yourself relax!
• seeing how many more leaves are sprouting during my walk with my dog.
• eating sausages for dinner.
• enjoying a cozy night in after a couple of days of rain.

What are you looking forward to today?

Keeping My Eyes Looking Forward: Day 1

I have a terrible habit of descending into the depths of dread over silly things:  an upcoming thing at work,  an event that I'm not sure I want to attend, an hour of exercise, even a night's sleep. This irrational worry can be really terrible, and really, really bad for my relationships with the people in my life.

Years ago, I was chatting with a friend on the phone, and he said, "Tell me the best and the worst thing that happened today." It was a communication exercise that he learned to use with his sons at the dinner table to get them chatting with him. And you know, it works.

So, I've decided to change the angle of that little exercise slightly. I'm going to ask myself:  What am I looking forward to today?

Today, I'm looking forward to my Yoga Fusion class. I'm going to get the opportunity to test my core strength, and then get a good relaxation session at the end. I always feel great after this class, and I'm really, really looking forward to it.

What are you looking forward to today?