Becoming a Chameleon: Putting on Hold

If you've been checking back here regularly, you've probably guessed that this challenge was not as successful as I'd hoped it would be. I still think it would be worthwhile trying, but my timing was not good. I think I'm going to shelve this one until the spring when I have more time to concentrate on making changes, rather than trying to do it during a time when I'm just trying to survive the busy time at work and at home. Stay tuned!

Becoming a Chameleon: That Was Worth It

After my last post, I wasn't sure I wanted to carry on with this challenge. It's such a difficult thing to try to change how you are hard-wired, and my feelings were hurt. But I decided the other day that I would give it another go. For a refresher:

Look for opportunities to discuss topics which may have differing points of view. Resist expressing your point of view immediately. Instead, ask more questions to understand what others are thinking. Try to focus on the underlying reasoning and supporting evidence for other points of view. Resist the temptation to try to convince others to change to your point of view.

There are certain people in my life that I've had trouble stopping and listening to. My brain tells me that I'm right and they're wrong, and well, that's the end of it. The other day, I was battling something out with my boss... a minor thing, having to do with a description of a session we were going to be presenting at the conference.

I rattled off a cute, snappy description. My motto: catch the eye! Make 'em look! Make the words jump off the page!

He read it and said, "I don't think we should be cute. I think we should be straightforward."

My inner-rebel scoffed. Pah! He's wrong, I'm right! I'm way more interesting than he is!

No... that's not fair, my Adaptability Angel said. Remember the task...

So, later on that day, I phoned him and lo, and behold: I learned something.

It's not that he didn't think catching the eye was important. It's just that certain things catch HIS eye. "When I go to a conference and I see the list of the sessions I could attend, I want to know what I'm going to be doing there. I see the punchy lines and I immediately think, 'That's all spin, no substance.'"

What he wanted from me was: Don't just write. Say something.

Ah... that's exactly right. Thanks, dude.

I feel great about that. I didn't mind being wrong that time, because I felt like I grew a little. How about that, huh?

So, spurred on by the success of that task, here's something else for me to work on:

Keep an open mind about suggestions from others. Resist saying no to suggestions before you have had time to consider the idea. List all of your concerns. Ask yourself "What is the worst thing that could happen if this fails?" Decide whether you are willing and able to take that risk.

That one makes me a little nervous. "What is the worst thing that could happen" has been the famous last words of many people. Big breaths...

Becoming a Chameleon: Finding the Limit

Here was the task that I ended with in my last post:

Look for opportunities to discuss topics which may have differing points of view. Resist expressing your point of view immediately. Instead, ask more questions to understand what others are thinking. Try to focus on the underlying reasoning and supporting evidence for other points of view. Resist the temptation to try to convince others to change to your point of view.

As you might have imagined, this wasn't that hard at all. If there's anything I've noticed about this generation of people who have information at their fingertips at all times, finding someone with an opinion and a point of view on something is like looking for a grain of sugar in a candy factory. We're surrounded by other people's points of view, and we're also pushed all the time to consider them.

Something I learned today is that, even though you might go out of your way to understand someone's point of view, that doesn't mean that person is necessarily going to be grateful to you for understanding it. In fact, sometimes that opens the floodgates for them to dive headlong into any fear that is associated with that point of view, and that can result in them taking that fear out on you.

It's a risk I wasn't aware I was taking.

I'm a sensitive person. I always have been. I think that I tend to empathize more easily with people than many of the friends I've had in my life. And recently, that seems to be a really negative trait to have, because it also means I get hurt easily by people's comments, however harmless they perceive them to be.

So, what does this mean? Am I doomed forever to be bracing myself against people's reactions? I might understand their point of view, but will they understand mine? When have I adapted enough? When will it be someone else's turn to adapt to me?

Maybe that's the point of this whole challenge: to figure out how far I can stretch myself, how much I can get used to, and where exactly to draw the line. I can't put my hands over my ears and drown out the opinions surrounding me. I think I can only continue to try to understand... without getting trampled in the process.

Maybe I better get myself a helmet. It's gonna be a rough ride, I think...

Becoming a Chameleon: Change? Wha?

How do I react to change? Well, the easiest way for me to talk about it was to create the following graphic:

Smileys from IconTexto

At the 12 o'clock position is contentedness. That's usually where I start. Something changes in my life, and I'm usually ok with it at the outset. I usually stay at 12 o'clock for minor changes: changes to software on my computer, changes to websites I use, changes to the locations of things I buy at the supermarket. I normally go with the flow. No point in getting all in a tizzy over it.

Major changes, well that's a different story. Especially in recent years. I can run all the way around the circle, and most recently, I've noticed that it's very easy for me to get stuck at the angry face. "Why should I adapt?" I say. "Why can't everyone else change for me?" And this is not just being grumpy, this is full rage. And it's not pretty.

I've been working hard not to get stuck at the angry face. I've actually been trying to change the angry face to more of an annoyed one, and then trying to make sure I don't stay there too long, either. Nobody likes hanging around a grump.

A recent change I experienced had me on this cycle again, and I've stopped myself at the slightly sickly green face. Change comes all the time, and rather than getting sick with worry over it, I've been trying to come up with strategies to deal with it: one thing at a time, one project at a time, one goal at a time, one night's sleep at a time. And rather than keeping my worry all bottled up inside of me, it's been good to have the chance to get my thoughts out to supportive friends, ones who know how to move me forward, rather than let me get to the angry face.

Interestingly, this is getting easier. I suppose that's what increasing my adaptability means.

So, the next task? Well, to paraphrase from my work manual:

Look for opportunities to discuss topics which may have differing points of view. Resist expressing your point of view immediately. Instead, ask more questions to understand what others are thinking. Try to focus on the underlying reasoning and supporting evidence for other points of view. Resist the temptation to try to convince others to change to your point of view.

Ok, here I go...

Becoming a Chameleon: Understanding My Own Reactions to Change

I did a quick search on ways to increase my adaptability today. It's interesting how this term, adaptability has become the latest thing in a lot of areas, from business to sports coaching. Along with adaptability are other words: versatility, flexibility, resilience, evolution... And then, you can go into even more detail with each of those terms: emotional flexibility, high versatility, strong resilience...

Sheesh. What did I get myself into?

I think for the purposes of this challenge, I'm just going to troll through and find challenges that look like things I can actually try in real life. I'm going to try to not look for things just to ponder, but for activities that will force me to change the way I think and speak.

So, here goes:

I came across an article from The Center for Creative Leadership, an organization that has come up on my radar in recent months. This article was titled simply: "Adaptability: Keys for Success" and in it were some specifics about how to practice cognitive flexibility, emotional flexibility, and dispositional flexibility (see what I mean about the terms?). One particular suggestion caught my eye:

Understand your own reaction to change so that you can be straightforward with others.

Okie dokie. Think about change. How do I react?

Umm... Hmmm...

How about I spend the next three days with this in mind and report back? See you on Saturday...

Becoming a Chameleon: Increasing My Adaptability

I'll be honest: I criticize far more than I should. I look for faults, think about how I would do things better, make judgements far too quickly. In reality, I'm using hindsight, and we all know what they say about hindsight: it's 20/20.

The one thing I probably find fault in with other people is their adaptability. Why can't they just change along with the times? Just go with the flow? Learn as they go along, hit the ground running... all those clichés about just accepting differences and changes day-to-day. I like to think I'm quite good at that...

Really, there's room for a lot of improvement.

So, for the next 30 days, I will be trying to reprogram my brain to become more adaptable. I want to be able to change myself to adapt to my environment: a human chameleon of sorts. What does that mean? According to this personal development blog:

Adaptability means being open to ANY new challenge or changing situation, regardless of your background and skills, and refusing to place preconceived judgments on the challenge or presume it’s something you can’t handle, or won’t like.

I have a list of exercises from a work manual that I'm going to be working through... perhaps one or two exercises a week. We'll see how that goes, and how easy it is to work into my life.

I've never been a reptile before. This could be interesting...