Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Looking Forward: Days 16 to 23

Another week of highs and lows... as is the case for everyone, I guess. When I think back on the week, I'm most proud of last Friday, where I had the chance to help with a workshop that I really wanted to help develop. The day before, I was nervous. What if I'd wasted everyone's time by pushing to create something unnecessary? What if the participants didn't enjoy it? Why did I think this was a good idea in the first place?

When I forced myself out of that train of thought and focused on looking forward to the opportunity to share my skills and passions, then it all felt right. And it all went right. And I'm very happy that it worked out.

On the other hand, after my previous challenge, I had set myself a goal weight. It's a weight at which I was pretty sure my doctor would be able to get off my back about being heavy, and at which I could be sure that my blood pressure would be at a good level. Well, at least I could factor out the weight issue from my blood pressure, anyway. I was looking forward to getting to that goal, but now it just seems miles and miles and years and years away. And I'm tired. And I'm frustrated. And I'm tired. Perhaps looking forward to such big goals is not a good thing. Perhaps I should distract myself with smaller goals. Perhaps the goal is what all the skinny people say it should be:  that I should look forward to feeling better and looking better.

But the numbers are powerful. I look forward to a day when they don't have power over me anymore. It seems like a very, very long journey right now.

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